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I am so sorry to hear you story...It saddens me to think that a person gets into fostering for good reasons and then is treated like a criminal...I have attached my story of agony although not anywhere near your story, still an unfair situation to put a foster family through. God Bless. In August 2003 my family and I decided to become involved in foster parenting. In January we welcomed two children into our home. The children (a boy two and a half, and a girl five and a half weeks) were beautiful. Our hearts immediately filled with joy as we welcomed these two into our home. It was an instant bond. Within days we were informed that the boy had pneumonia and the girl had RSV. The baby quickly went downhill fast. It was our first weekend with the children and the baby was being admitted into the hospital. There was no one from the state that I could get in touch with. Luckily our contact from Easter Seals was available to help us through. The baby was in the hospital for three days when on Sunday they attempted to release her. I refused, you see, I work in the medical field and knew something was wrong with the baby. I could not bear to have her die in my home. I could not allow my children to part of that. After calling the doctor in it was found the baby was in severe respiratory distress and immediately flew her to Lebanon. Somehow I needed to contact the parents of this baby and let them know. The baby remained in Lebanon for a week before being released, but because of her past and now the still active RSV, she would have asthma and need treatments. Within a month the state lost their case with the boy and he was returned home but the baby stayed with us. In fact, the mother was now talking about signing over her rights to us so we could adopt! We were thrilled! A couple of months went by and although the baby returned to the hospital several times as a result of her breathing problems, things were definitely looking up. We were getting closer (according to the state) at being able to adopt the baby. We received a call from the state that the boy had come back into the system. Wanting to keep the children together we gladly took him back into our home, but little did we realize how different it would be. When he had left we had him on a regular schedule and had bottle broken him. We were even starting to work with him on toilet training. All of this was lost. In fact, now he was frightened of the idea of toilet training. He would not eat and what he little he did eat, he would throw up. He constantly cried and clung to you like a monkey. It was heart breaking. It seemed that every time he went for a visitation, I was called to get him because he was so sad and just laid around. During this entire time my job was on the line because of how much time I was taking out of work to run the children to their appointments (we had learned that not only did the boy have bottle rot but he also had 8 teeth that had cavities and would need weekly appointments for fillings). Now with the boy now getting sick all the time at daycare resulting in my need to pick him up I was really in trouble. We tried everything to make him feel more comfortable but it was obvious he was depressed and needed more. We rationalized it was as if he needed to start over as a baby and be nurtured, comforted, loved, retrained how to eat, etc. We even explained this to the state. When my children started questioning things, I knew it was time I had to do something. I called up the state (as we had learned to do in our training) and informed them of our problems. We talked about these problems at our bi-weekly meetings. It was agreed that they would move the boy to a home where someone could be with him 24 hours to give him the care and nurturing he needed, not to mention deserved after all he had been through. It was one of the hardest decisions we needed to make and the state tried to comfort us saying it was the right thing to do. He needed “specialized care” and we were not licensed to give this. When the state talked with the mother about this she was sad as she truly liked us and saw how much we cared about her children, she understood and agreed insisting that she would still sign her rights over to us when the time came to adopt the baby). A week later after being called out of work 15 minutes after getting there to come back to the daycare and get the boy, I again called the state for help in getting the boy placed. (Keep in mind…this was the second time in two days I had been called to go get him.) Several hours later I received a call that they were taking both of the children that day. I was shocked! “Why?” I screamed. According to the state it was a decision made at a higher level. Because there could be a chance that someone down the road might change their mind about relinquishing their rights as a parent, and because the boy needed specialized care, they would move the children and they needed to kept together (although this has never been an issue in the past). I tried everything. I even mentioned that back when I agreed to take him back in by home I was told that if I did not want to it was okay and it would not change anything with the baby. Amazingly enough, now they tried to tell me it would have affected things. Never in my life have I been so shocked, angered, sickened and literally horrified at how the system works. Here we had been with this baby since “practically birth” (as we were so often told by the state), had never left her side in the hospital when they were not even sure she would live, and had been through everything we had in almost 7 months of her life. Not to mention that at this point we were the only “family” the baby had known consistently since birth. That is not even taking into consideration that the parents WANTED to sign over their rights to us so we could adopt. I cannot believe it. I cannot believe the time, energy, potential loss of employment, and lack of financial backing (I still have yet to collect my supplemental income offered to foster parents for doing this). I cannot believe the lack of consideration our system shows foster parents who give of themselves, their homes, their families, etc. I cannot believe I got into this believing that I “could make a difference.” I made a difference all right. I made a difference in my family’s lives who will always remember June 29, 2004 as the day they took our “family” away (leaving us to feel we were the ones at fault and did not deserve the children). So, you think you want to get into fostering in New Hampshire? Please, before you destroy your family, before you have to explain to your crying, heart broken, child who does not understand any of it, why, when you don’t even know the answer, please reconsider. It just is not worth it. Somehow we will go on. Some how we will pick up the pieces of our broken hearts and move on. For now, all we can do is cling to each other for support and pray to God that the children have a chance. Pray to God that wherever the children are they are loved as much as we loved them.

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