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[The following is rather long..] I'm here because I've come to suspect that my partner in a very confusing relationship may have BPD. I say suspect because I am in no way qualified to determine this, but in all of my reading on BPD what I learn resonates with my experience. There are other weighty issues at hand, which confuse my partner terribly – nevertheless, this is what I see. I also want to add my answer to Crying BPD’s question: By the way .. don’t assume you’re in the wrong place, your experiences whether clinically BP or not (who knows) are valid and appreciated – I don’t know for certain whether my experience is related to BPD or not, so I ask forgiveness for my appropriation of the pronoun “WE” We do try. We want to keep trying, even when we see what we’re doing to ourselves. They push us away. They sever us from their lives. We still try harder because we love them more than life itself and see the beautiful people they are. We honestly accept them for who they are, their good qualities as well as their behavior. We do try to understand, especially after we realize that there may be a reason for this completely outside of their control. They push us away. We feel beaten into the ground. We recognize that we have no framework for surviving and grieve desperately that it cannot be different. I am still grieving this loss severely, the loss of our possible future. I truly would prefer to have a chance to really try and work through it. In whatever ways I am “allowed,” I am still trying, but I am always pushed away. I recognize that I would likely be facing a life of struggle and repeated cycles of pain. My heart doesn’t want to let go. The very hardest part in all of this for me is being CUT OFF. Our relationship suddenly ceases to exist – I suspect that this also becomes a convenient reason for denying that I should be granted more compassion and intimacy. She always holds the reins to our ability to see or talk to each other; she is in complete control. Even the fundamental security of being IN a relationship does not exist for me. I need to continue to learn more effective ways of communicating with her, and opening my eyes to BPD may just help me do this. I also need to force myself to take care of me, and recognize that my obsession with trying to “fix” this is neither healthy nor constructive. I need to recognize and address my codependent traits (I don’t think I meet the definition), since no one wins from my devoting all of my energy in the wrong areas. I need to be honest in my desire to help her, and recognize that my putting up with being effaced, rejected, and controlled - allowing myself to be walked all over by this condition - is not helping her. It may in fact be preventing her from healing. I try so hard to understand and at the same time deal with the regular rejection of my own feelings. I am unheard. The intimacy I crave might never exist. I desperately don’t want to lose everything we shared. I need to recover. I long for the ability to salvage a friendship where we share control of the relationship and have some stability. Mostly, I want her to be happy. If anyone wants to contact me, please feel free. The address above does work or you can also send to dave3m@rogers.REMOVE.com P.S. I identify with the author’s depiction of having to always provide “concrete examples” for the BP’s behavior, always being challenged to prove everything. Thing is, that may be what we have to do.

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I owe a big apology to anyone who came across my earlier posting of me claiming to be BPD. I spoke with me counselor who literally screamed at me that there was no way i could be BPD b/c if I was i would never even THINK that there was a problem. so that just leaves me as a sad, lonely and f-up little individual....who just wants answers as to why she can't keep friends. so, i'm at the wrong place.

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So glad this is here.