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I really identify with some of the characteristics of the bpd--non bpd relationship you described in your letter. Along with other people's stories, yours has helped me to understand even more what drives bps and to see that sometimes even though you love them you have to step back and let them work things out for themselves, if it is possible.

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When I read your story I felt really blessed! So open, honest, direct, complete. How wonderfully unselfish of you to share it. I've been in a 11/2 year relationship with my BP lover. It's funny we met online and she was abusive even in her writing. She cursed at me, called me names, etc. But was so "subtle" about it all. She would use "different" words to insult my intelligence. Anyway I am out of that relationship and now making healthier choices about everything in my life. I do not rush into relationships of any kind. Thanks for your story it really helped me a lot.

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hmm, i feel very bad after reading most of your "story" i've had bpd myself (now 'just' some aspects), and i'm recognizing a lof of things in how you described terry and your relationship. i've mailed my ex-partner (we both are women) your site. (yeah we have some contact sometimes, maybe (i hope) iwas just not that worse as terry...) and i see, off course, the otherside of the drama. by the way: i have been in intensive therapie and it helped a lot. bye, daan

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wow the last couple of months of my life have been like a dream with my wife it was all to confuseing and i knew something wasnt right but kept getting told i was being stupid and i guess she just didnt want me to abondon her but it all came out she is bpd and disassiation disorder i am still trying to get my selfesteem back my wife is with her parents and i have our two kids. 5 and 4 my wife has said if i find ne one else and i am happy and the kids are happy she will understand i just dont have an answer on this subject.it is all so hard to see ur loved one all of a sudden change i just hope she survives . it was so good to read that others have had the same situations and have gotten through it thnx for the help!

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Dear Chris, Thankyou. I read every word and, like you, did not know what was wrong with my husband of 11 years. He was my second husband and I believe all the more devastating because I wanted to be really sure. I tried everything. Your life is identical to mine in the vocab. he used, the manipulation. He self mutilated, was violent, verbally, physically and emotionally. I work as a Counsellor and he devalued this if I supported others or found fault with him. I have now left him and feel wonderful. My chronic excema has gone, my cycle has returned, I sleep very well and I know I am a beautiful person with a lot of love to give. Chris you would have a nurturing, caring and analytical personality that does not make you codependent of have a low self esteem. Your upbringing was IDENTICAL to mine. His to Terry's. This background gave you a solid grounding that makes you empathetic and tolerant AND well balanced. People like my husband are attracted to that precise makeup. I wish you every joy and peace in life. Thankyou for a candid, reassuring expose. You've changed my life in ways you'll never know. Karen

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powerful powerful powerful! I've just accomplished the completion of a 3-1/2 year divorce process with XBPH. I was trapped, isolated, controlled and alone in this relationship for 15 years. Until today, I never knew for sure what it was. Four years of therapy, and I'm recovering, but knowing for sure what I'm up against (we have to coparent) will help a lot. I identify with the fear, the fear, the fear ... the walking on eggshells ... even now, every time we speak, I end up in oz ... only now, I understand what happened, afterwards. It takes courage to do the right thing for yourself and it takes courage to put your story out there. THANK YOU!