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Chris, After a total breakdown on my wedding night (and years of chaotic relationships), I was recently forced to examine my own behaviour and after a lot of research, have come to the conclusion that BPD fits me. I'm 30 years old and at a point in my life where I'm ready to take responsibility for my behaviour and do the work to recover and correct the "broken record" patterns I've been stuck in for so long. I found your "letter to Terry" and it's really helped me gain perspective and empathize with my own spouse; I see a lot of Terry in myself and so it stands to reason that I'm most likely inflicting the same kind of pain you've expressed here...even when I can't see it in the heat of the moment. I think it's awesome that you've been able to view this condition with sympathy and understanding instead of continuing the cycle of victimhood. I'm not discounting your time in therapy...how damaged you were by the relationship, I'm commending your ability to empathize in spite of all that. I'm not sure I'd have been able to do the same...we (BPDs) are, after all; perpetual victims, and the world at large; one big villain. Something you need to understand about us BPDs: We have no built-in respect for our loved ones' free will. Period. We're so fucking full of ourselves...how we're "owed," WE have been hurt, how WE have needs, so busy nursing decades-old wounds, we have no time or brainspace to care about YOU. It makes me sick sometimes: I'm such a tangled mess, I just want to give up on *myself* because it truly seems hopeless...like a hardcore heroin addict or something. I don't know how anyone outside of myself can empathize, much less stick around...but I'm starting to get it through my thick skull that maybe it's okay to chill out and stop questioning. But it's hard. Even as I wrote that, I wanted to take it back--I question *everything,* sometimes in harrowing cry-fests that last until 3AM. It's clear that I have a long road and a lot of work ahead of me. I just wanted to let you know that your story (and your pain) really clicked for me and is something I'll keep in mind whenever I'm tempted to backslide or succumb to unhealthy patterns. I hope I can spare my loved ones the total mindfuck that made you feel utterly robbed and destroyed for five years. Thank you.

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Thanks Chris, Your torment at the bizzare reactions of your lover was hard to read because I felt I could have written portions of your letter myself. So glad you are happy now, hope the same for myself soon.

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Thank you Chris! I am just at the end of a two year relationship with a high-functioning Borderline Personality Disorder / Bi-Polar relationship. Your story touched me in a way that let me know I wasn't alone in my struggles with the behavior of the BPD person I love and the diminishment of my psychological health resulting from our interpersonal dynamics. I was searching for a way to continue my healing and reading the story of your experiences and being shocked by the similarities to my experiences helped me more than my words can convey. It sounds like you really grew as a person during your experiences, as have I. Thank you for sharing and for the healing it brings to those who read your story. Michael

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(Finally) have put the disordered SO in my life...out of my life. Hurt like hell to 'lose' what I never really had in reality. The Borderline in my life also struggles (IMHO) with several other mental health issues, including at least 1 other personality disorder: Malignant Narcissism. At the end, it was very* ugly between us. I was not only abused emotionally and financially (as if that weren't bad enough), but psychologically tormented by he and members of his 'family' (whom would have been disturbed that he was flagrantly, inhumanely abusive toward me were they not mentally ill themselves). Nevertheless, when I finally accepted that the illusion of the loving, supportive partner he conveyed *was* in fact precisely that: an illusion...it made letting go easier. Feels good to *feel* and trust what I *feel*. To recognize that I deserve, and can do, can in fact obtain...better. GOd Bless those hurt by these damaged souls.

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